Intersectionality, body shaming, and elevation

Many of you may have seen the story about the mom and her daughter at a Dillards doing the prom dress thing, and the salesperson getting all pushy and stuff. What upsets me equally as much is reading people's responses to the open letter the mom wrote, accusing her of pushing the dress on her daughter (it's a gorgeous floor length dress I'd die to wear) and then body shaming the girl as well...with so many of them being other women. What does that say, that we're tearing each other down? Does that make us better? What does that say about societal conditioning? What does that say about expectations?

What does it say about how much we've absorbed the thinking of the patriarchy?

We all deserve elevating. We all deserve to be seen as the beautiful people we are, no matter our body shape. You don't elevate by tearing down. You're being just as bad as the salesperson at the store and it disgusts me.

I will never look like a cis-typical woman...and I'm actually pretty ok with that. I'll always be broad shouldered. I'll always be the height I am...and obviously way taller in heels, which I wear when I can not because it's expected but because I like them. I know why passing is important for so many people, and yes, there's a part of me that would love to pass. But I look at what I've got already, and on good days can say nice things about my legs and butt, and realise that despite my self-effacement and self-deprecation I am actually a decently put together woman.

I have left so many trans support groups because of body shaming there...transwomen telling others to wear more makeup or get a wig or wear different clothes or why don't you shave better (to genderqueer or enbys) or you need to wear a dress and not jeans and a t or whatever. I hate it. And by it, I am not referring to the people shamed, but of course to the ones doing the shaming. We already have so many issues to deal with...depression, abuse, fear of violence...tearing things apart from the inside makes it worse. I half think a lot of the time that there are as many TERFs inside the community as outside.

There are reasons I feel I need to go this alone and not be part of a support group...other than the friends I have gathered together here on this thin raft. Because you get it. You don't tear down. You elevate. You're intersectional. You tell all women they are beautiful.

You tell me I am.

I don't know what I'm getting at or where I'm going with this. Like I said, I'm feeling a lot of emotional overwhelm-edness-ing-ment today.

But all y'all are beautiful.

Even the boys.