Trans 101 With Julie: On The Care And Feeding Of Your Trans Friends

Hello and welcome back to Trans 101 with Julie.

After two weeks of screaming into the void, I'd really like to try and bring things back to more of a...centered, grounded area, I guess. There is a LOT I could be ranting about here (specifically Tina Fey's white feminist/white liberal bit on Weekend Update/SNL on 18 August), but I'd rather turn inward and take a slightly different tack this time around.

So here's a fact:

Living while trans is an act of resistance.

Here's another:

Living while trans is the act of a radical.

People refuse to recognise or respect our existence and identity. We're called mentally ill (well, actually, we're called sick, demented, crazy, insane, lunatics, degenerates), depraved, rapists, autogynephiles (that is, men who derive sexual pleasure from being women...a 'condition' that DOES NOT EXIST), confused about our identities...the list goes on. People tell us we have to expose what we are...yet when we come out, we lose homes, families, friends, jobs...and often our lives. And for as much as these things impact me...they impact trans women of colour a billionty and eleven times harder.

Right now, at this point in history and in this country, we are under siege. We're every bit as targeted by the neo-confederates and Nazis (no neo there...they are Nazis pure and simple) as other marginalised groups...we are targeted by hate groups dedicated to getting us all on tables to be electrocuted into 'normalcy.' Finally, we are targeted by the government, which is currently in a step by step process seemingly designed to lead to our complete disenfranchisement, dehumanisation, and eventual removal of citizenship and re-education.

And I'm not really joking here.

The point is, we're under extreme amounts of pressure. And we do what we always do...we pull inward, look after our own, care for each other and counsel and support...often to our extreme detriment. Burnout comes fast, and I speak with experience on that as well.

What's the point?

I'll tell you.

There are a number of things you (yes you!) can be doing right now to help the trans guy or girl...or enby...or pangender...or genderfluid...or agender...or...in your life. These are all super easy things, and you may not think any of them are that big a deal, trust me...for us, these are...well, they're practically life saving.

Here we go...without further ado, Julie's Hints And Tips For The Care And Feeding Of Your Trans Friends!

~~~//||\\~~~

1a) Call them!

Alternatively...

1b) Message them!

This seems silly. 'But Julie, I talk to my friend all the time,' you say. And I am sure you do, because you are a kind and decent human being. But this isn't just a typical 'Hi!' kind of message we're talking about right now.

Let me give you a few examples of the kinds of messages I am referring to:

“Hey...just wanted to check in...”

“Hey there...I wanted to make sure you're taking care of yourself. Are you drinking plenty? Eating?”

“Hey... just checking in and letting you know I care and hope you're hanging in there.”

There are two themes here. The first is this: all of these are actual messages I've gotten from friends checking in on me. Theme two is this: each message expresses concern in a manner that invites engagement and doesn't demand it. It's not small talk. It's not a random hi like I might get any day of the week. It's active and establishing a desire for connection...yet it does not force the recipient to reply if they are unable to.

When I reach terminal overload, several things happen, either in quick succession or simultaneously: I withdraw. I go non verbal. I alternate not being able to sleep and sleeping all the time. I stop drinking and eating. I stop taking my medications. Obviously none of these things are good individually...in tandem they are nearly guaranteed to cause physical breakdown, illness...and worse.

Often, having someone outside me ask me these things is enough to break me out of the cycle long enough in order to think about self-care that I can get up and grab something small, even if it's just a slice of peanut butter bread and some water. That can be the impetus to come out enough to allow someone to help me more directly. I'm not saying it works for everyone, but it works for me. Reaching out, expressing care and worry in a non judgmental manner, is one of the smallest yet most human things you can do for your trans friend right now (any time really, but especially right now). We'll remember these things...and they'll mean the world to us. Trust is a hard thing for us to give anyone, even in the best of times...but little acts of kindness help a lot.

At the same time...sometimes, having someone on the other end of the phone (or VoIP connection, or what have you) is all I need to open up a little and let things go emotionally. Many are the times someone asks if they can call...or in my better moments, if I can call them...and as soon as I hear their voice the levee breaks and I cry uncontrollably for the duration of the call. If you are someone your trans friend truly trusts and is open with, you need to know this may or will happen. Don't run from this...it IS a big responsibility, but it is also a huge gift to have someone trust you enough to be raw and vulnerable like that. Treat it with the care that it deserves, because it's a massive gift.

~~~//||\\~~~

2) Stop by (with consent and advance warning, of course)

When I am overwhelmed, as I said above, I start shutting down hardcore. I've done days where I don't get out of bed. Yes, I know I have depression, and it may be easy to try and equate this with that. I'm sure it contributes, and I would never try and say otherwise. I also know people have seen me as I start to overstimulate and become overwhelmed, and know they've had to lead me out of rooms because I literally could not move on my own.

So as part of your check in, you could gently offer to stop by. Offer to watch movies together. Suggest a safe outing somewhere where you can get away a little. These may not be possible, and again, I'm not suggesting that these are 100% guaranteed to work options. For example, I have been known to be terrified to be alone yet not wanting another person anywhere near me. That makes it hard. But times like that I'd likely be OK with someone coming over and doing stuff on their own in the same room as me as long as they didn't force me to be involved. Just knowing someone is there and I'm a bit safer than I was is a huge relief.

Stress does hella weird things to you, obviously, and everyone needs different things when they're dealing with the slow, inexorable, entropic decay of civilisation and the universe. If you know someone well enough that you'd be hanging out regularly, you'll have a rough idea the kinds of things your friend needs. Tailor it to that.

Don't freak out if you visit and we break down crying. Realise that...well, I said it just above, so I'll just reiterate it here, because repetition is not necessarily a bad thing:

“If you are someone your trans friend truly trusts and is open with, you need to know this may or will happen. Don't run from this...it IS a big responsibility, but it is also a huge gift to have someone trust you enough to be raw and vulnerable like that. Treat it with the care that it deserves, because it's a massive gift.”

~~~//||\\~~~

3) Food.

This ties into the previous two, and really isn't a cry for free meals.

We get stressed. We forget to eat. Yes, you can laugh, but think back to times in your life when stress has hit you so bad that you don't know up from down, left from right. I bet you can think of a good few times when the last thing on your mind is food...cooking it, or eating it, or whatever.

Well, believe me, your friend (who is also conveniently in this case and for this essay trans) is just like you. They're stressed. They're freaking out because of what the government is doing. They're terrified because more trans people are being murdered this year than last year which was more than the year before which was...you get it. They're getting hit by more directed hate than in recent memory. Randos are sending them hate mail, death threats, rape threats, rape AND murder threats, hateful memes, etc. And food is the last thing on our minds.

Welp, you just got told 'Yeah, I really could use some company.' And you told them 'Listen, don't worry about cleaning I know you're under a lot right now I understand it's OK' and they kind of sighed and said 'thank you' quietly.

On the way over, stop off and pick up something they like.

Or make something in advance (something easy to re-heat or portion out) and bring it with you.

It's a huge act of kindness.

It may be the first thing we've eaten in days.

It gives you both something to bond over.

And if you, say, make a tray of lasagna or mac and cheese or some sort, you've made it so they don't have to make food for a few days...they can scoop out a bowl and nuke it, or cut a piece and nuke it (or if their name is Julie, eat it cold too cos Italian is always good cold) and get some much needed nutrition in. It's a selfishly selfless way for you to help...you'll feel good, they'll feel good, and you can have a quiet meal and both feel a little better afterwards.

If you can't cook...well, there are still plenty of options. Pick up a frozen lasagna or something similar. But cook it before coming over, otherwise it may sit in our freezer for months...or we'll just sit it in the fridge til it's defrosted and eat it without cooking. Grab some cans of soup or Chef Boyardee...stuff that doesn't require a lot of prep. Stop at Taco Bell or Wendy's. If there is ever a time where junky food is an acceptable option, it's right now...tho having said that, a couple 99 cent burgers from McD's have more protein and stuff in them than any other food at the same price, so...

I'm not trying to say we're helpless.

I AM trying to say that in moments like this, we may need more help than we're willing to admit to.

So ask. And then do.

~~~//||\\~~~

4) Ask permission.

This is key with any thing you do right now.

Ask us.

Ask us if you can call. Ask us if you can stop over. Ask us if we've eaten/been drinking proper fluids/taking our meds. Ask us what we need. Ask us these things without prejudice or judgment. Don't order. Don't ever order. Don't ever demand.

And be gentle.

Again, I am sure this seems very...well, very 'why does she even have to say this?'

But here's the fact of the matter: when we are in DEFCON 1 status, even a normally asked question can sound like condemnation. We're hyper-vigilant. We're on alert. And while I am not suggesting that we need to be coddled or babied, tone and delivery is important...basically, like your momma always said, 'Not not what you said...it's how you said it.'

So ask us these things.

Ask us if we want a hug. We may not be up for that. Hell, we may not want you to hug us cos we haven't showered in a week and we won't want our funk on you. Or maybe we're so stressed out that our skin hurts, and contact will literally cause us to cry in pain. Asking shows awareness. It shows concern. It shows compassion and caring. Finally, it shows that you are trying to be attentive and not overbearing, and those are all things that mean the world to us.

Ask us if there's things we need help with. I know so much of this seems to be me saying 'I am incapable of caring for myself, please take over,' but that's not the case at all. In these situations we MAY be literally incapable of caring for ourselves...or we may just need a little bit of engine priming before we can get back up with someone's help and start trying to reassemble some kind of framework. Be that support. It's what friends do. It's what human beings do.

So ask. And respect the response you get.

~~~//||\\~~~

5) Don't tag us in.

Let me explain this one.

Call our (and I guess the inverse is...call in?) culture is big. We see something that's offensive/sexist/racist/homophobic/transmisist/misogynistic/etc., and we want to be good human beings and put that person on blast. We want to challenge them, challenge their hateful views and opinions. It's right to do this, and we all need to do more of it.

What we don't need to do is tag in someone from one of those communities to bring their attention to it.

You doing this achieves a number of things, and none of them are good:

a) It smacks of wanting cookies or brownie points or gold stars for LOOK HOW GOOD AN ALLY I AM

b) It reminds us yet again that people hate us, see us as less than human, and they want nothing more than for us to disappear, possibly permanently.

c) It shows us that you really don't understand us in any way shape or form.

d) It makes us wonder if we can trust you.

e) It causes us to withdraw from you.

f) It causes us to question if our other friends are just like this.

Post all you want on your FB/Twitter/Tumblr/whatever about this. But ask people if they want tagged in/called in on it. And honestly, don't ask us. Some of us are angry enough that we'd do it anyway, and likely are already aware that the thing you want us to see is there...in fact, chances are we saw it before you. The plain and simple fact of the matter is we're honestly too focused on the hundreds of bits of hate we get lobbed at us every day in real life and on line from strangers to then have a friend doing the same under the guise of LOOK HOW HORRIBLE THESE PEOPLE ARE OMG

Be a friend.

Protect us.

And for the love of god, Montressor...don't play the 'I have a trans friend, and they...' card. That card gets played by the other side ALL THE TIME. It's shit, and used as a way to try and weaken arguments against their hate. Don't do this because you have a trans friend...or do, for all I care. Just, don't say you're doing it because you have a trans friend. Do it because you're a human being and human beings take care of the marginalised and protect them from the oppressor.

In the saying and the doing, we are not fragile glass sculptures to be kept in a locked menagerie...but we are human, and humans are allowed to be many things. Right now, in our current sociopolitical environment, that does mean we're at a higher risk of things. You may be the biggest thing keeping your friend going, and all it takes is a couple small acts of basic decency and humanity to make all the difference. In a time of hate, a small act of love can make all the difference to one person.

Be that act of love.

See you next time, friends.

Shantih shantih shantih.

Midweeks...

What a life this week is being...

I've been taking a bit of a break from social media in general, mostly just trying to stay connected with a few people that matter most. It's just been too much recently, and having to repeatedly argue for my identity and my sexuality is growing a bit wearisome.

To top it off, I ended up cracking my head very very hard getting into the car this morning for work, and I'm pretty sure I concussed myself. Which is fun. For certain definitions of fun. Really all I wanna do right now is curl up and get some sleep, bu I gather that's not a great idea.

I've been getting very into a Japanese band named Versailles, a power metal/visual kei band. A friend of mine linked be to a concert video for them, and I was hooked enough to get the albums...and I was certain I'd be disappointed without the visuals. Well, quite the opposite really. They stand up amazingly well as really great power metal...upbeat, melodic, lots of energy...without the visuals and costumes and staging. Two thumbs way up.

Here, have a taste:

Finally, on the rare occasion I have been playing World of Warcraft (taking a bit of break there too cos needed), I finally got the second of two mounts I wanted more than anything on launch of Legion...the ghost moose from archaeology. That and the fosk were the only two I knew I had to have, and I'm so glad to have gotten both :-)

I'll be having another essay up here in the next couple days...but for now I'm gonna rest my head.

Take care everyone.

Trans 101 With Julie: Sur la morale du mal

Hello and welcome back to Trans 101 With Julie.

A new idea would be this: Allow our titular Julie to wake up and not immedicately go into a a higher state of anger than she normally has. It would be novel, and an interesting change of pace, and I'd rather like that a lot.

Sadly, it seems unlikely to happen.

We all know about the horrific situation in Cville the weekend of 12 August, so I won't belabour that, safe to note that it is, of course, endemic of the cancer that has eaten at this country for 525 years, give or take. It doesn't need said much more than that, and really isn't within the purview of what I intend these essays/screeds/rants/tranche de vie to be.

But, we'll use this as a foundation, a launching point for what is going to follow. Last week I think I prefaced...let me look...yes. I did. So, I get to use it all over again. Bully for me.

"I want to talk about this week.

I want to talk about my feelings about what happened this week.

I will likely alienate a lot of people with this.

I'm going to use really harsh language and potentially triggering words and slurs in here.

I'd say I'm sorry but I'm not.

It's all necessary.

Let's begin."

~~~//||\\~~~

Two things happened this week that bear some form of comment.

The first is a situation in Philadelphia dealing with Function Coffee Labs, which fired a transgender employee, ostensibly for 'performance-related issues.'

Pennsylvania is an 'at will' state when it comes to employment. To quote:

"[A]n employer may terminate its employees at will, for any or no reason ... the employer may act peremptorily, arbitrarily, or inconsistently, without providing specific protections such as prior warning, fair procedures, objective evaluation, or preferential reassignment ... The mere existence of an employment relationship affords no expectation, protectable by law, that employment will continue, or will end only on certain conditions, unless the parties have actually adopted such terms."

(Ref: Guz v. Bechtel National, Inc., 24 Cal. 4th 317, 8 P.3d 1089, 100 Cal. Rptr. 2d 352)

This means, irrespective of anything, if the employer wants to terminate your employment, they can do so. As long as they don't say 'We're firing you because you're a tranny,' they can get away with it.

So all well and good. Someone got fired.

There are, of course, two sides to the story.

First, the business's:

"We fired a barista who was not adequately performing job duties and yes, also happens to be transgender. However, their termination had nothing to do with their gender identity. Since May, we have been in the process of starting an internship for an LGBTQ youth in conjunction with the Attic Youth Center, which we plan to start in the Fall. We welcome and support people of all kinds both as employees and customers."

There are so many things I would have addressed right to the business on this.

Except I can't.

Because they blocked my ability to post or respond on their page.

Now, as much as it pains me to say this, they are within their rights to do so. It is their FB page and they can include or exclude people as they see fit. The fact that I am trans and openly so, vocal and openly so, and angry and obviously so, surely had nothing to do with it, and the sheer fact that I was argumentative was the only reason they shut off my commenting.

(for the record, and for fairness and clarity and open disclosure, here is what I wrote:

"I come to Philadelphia regularly for my trans health care at the Mazzoni Center over on Bainbridge. Usually my friends and I look for a coffee place to hang out at before and after my appointments. It'll never be Function now that I know they discriminated against one of their employees for being transgender. I am incensed. I hope you're proud of what you've done, and I hope you enjoy the rotted fruits of your efforts.")

And here's the former employee's:

"My name is [blank], I am the person you speak of in West Willy and Queer Philly Exchange, who got fired from Function Coffee Labs. I am very okay with you both posting this - yes, please stop shit like this from happening - but would prefer to remain anonymous. I would also like this to remain credible, so here is the entire story.

First, about me, I am a trans identified person, assigned female at birth, mixed race/POC, in my late 20s. This customer who felt uncomfortable with me had made multiple complaints about me to my bosses, about the "new girl", the "lesbian" - I was not new at Function (8 months of employment), and I do not identify as a girl or a lesbian. In person, he was aggressively sexist, transphobic, and classist to me. In response to his comments and complaints, I told my bosses he made me feel unsafe. However, because he was a "regular" I was forced to continue interacting with him, but relied on my coworkers to serve him whenever possible.

In his most recent complaint, he told my bosses I had made gay slurs at him and his friends, and that I was homophobic. I had never made gay slurs at him, and he never entered with any friends. However, my bosses asked me to apologize to him, to "smooth things over". On his next visit, this customer approached me while I was behind the counter, put his face inches from my face, and shouted at me. I redirected the conversation outside of the store, and as requested, apologized for making him feel disrespected and hurt. He proceeded to verbally harass me, and physically threatened me.

I recounted the details of this incident to my bosses immediately in an email, and told them I did not feel safe. They responded 3 days later, saying that they were concerned about how I interact with customers, and that we'd discuss this further when they returned. They were out of the country at the time of the incident and the email.

In response, I told them I felt unsafe, unsupported, and that I'd been made to feel like a problem employee. I also highlighted the "harassment and discrimination" section of the employee handbook, and left it out for them to see when they returned.

The next day, I received an email telling me I was fired, effective immediately. Their reasons were for defacing the handbook, and creating a "hostile space".

Thank you for reading."

So, we have two stories.

One of them seems a little more detailed than the other.

Now, I realise that the business can't say anything out of fear or worry of retribution and/or defamation of character, but despite my bias, I am a little more prone to believe the employee than I am the business. There's a LOT of detail. Specific incidences. Repeated verbal abuse from the same customer. I have a much easier time believing because these are systems and modalities of transmisist attack that we see time and again. Yes, there are one off attacks...they are usually (but not always) physical, and sadly many end in hospitalisation or death.

The end result?

I'll never shop there.

People are already checking with Attic Youth center to see if they know about this...because the terminated employee was the one who brought the center to the business's attention and got the program, that Function now touts as theirs, going.

And the business will carry on with minimal impact cos, you know, trannies, all we're good for is being emotional and uppity, am I right?

Meanwhile, someone lost their job for living while trans.

And so it goes.

~~~//||\\~~~

The second thing...

Oh, the second thing.

Buckle up cos if part one was bumpy, part two promises to be a roller coaster of fun.

On 14 August, Bored Panda...

Wait.

What IS Bored Panda anyway?

In their words, "Bored Panda is a leading media company dedicated to spreading viral content that makes people happy. Each month, we bring happiness to 30 million readers from the US, the UK and all around the world."

Oh. Kay.

So making people happy.

Got it.

So on 14 August, Bored Panda posted a viral listicle photo thing of some five to six dozen before and after photos of trans women, trans men, and non binary people, in a 'You won't believe the transformation' inspiration porn type thing. I don't even know.

Here's the thing.

When we post before and after pix, it's after a lot of handwringing, and usually for other trans people or eggs (slang for a still not out trans person early in their self discovery) as a way of saying 'Listen, I know you're worried, but you got this. Look. I felt like you. If I can do it you can too. We're here for you.' We do it in places that we think are safe, for our own community, not for cis people to scrape and say 'LOOK AT WHAT A GOOD ALLY I AM FOR LIKING PEOPLE!'

Ahem.

I digress.

None of these people were asked if their photos could be used. Considering that they all had links to their social media accounts under the photos, it's not like BP couldn't have done so...they opted not to.

Many of these people are my friends. And I don't use that in the 'we're connected on FB or twitter' way, I mean we talk regularly friends.

At least one of them has been recently assaulted for the crime of Living While Trans. And is looking for new employment. Many others may be assault victims. Or looking for new housing. Or not out publicly to friends or family.

I can go on, but I don't think I need to. Any other time this would be bad enough. But now? In an era where we allow Nazis to freely walk the streets, hold demonstrations, run cars into crowds and kill people? In an era where Nazis are once again advocating for the extermination of all degenerates? In an era where I regularly get death threats, rape threats? When lots of us do? Who could possibly think this was a good idea for an article?

Oh.

Wait.

I guess the key word is think, isn't it?

So we report the article, both at their site, and on Facebook. We comment on it begging them to take it down. We expose ourselves to transmisists and hateful bigots in order to protect our own because time and again we have to do this. Fortunately, many of my friends who are not trans 'rally to my battle cry,' as one put it, and go in on them as well...an act that I am as always eternally grateful for, as they do it not for cookies or brownie points but because they know it's right to do so.

Finally, the article goes down, both on their site and obviously the link on Facebook. So, victory. But only partial. They kept the article up long enough for it to be scraped, aggregated, and mirrored on countless other sites.

And they still think they did nothing wrong.

How do I know this? How am I sure this is not idle speculation and paranoia on my part?

Let me tell you how.

Yesterday I sent them this message:

"I want you to take a look at the comments under the article you posted of the transition photos.

Take a long look.

Now consider this: you have just put dozens of women at risk. Many of these women may not be out in public yet. Or to their families. You have just outed them. Some of them have been victims of violence for being trans.

And none of them gave you permission to use the photos.

How are you going to address this? You've potentially got the blood of dozens on your hands.

Retract the article. Pull it from your site. Post an apology.

The damage is done, but you can limit it possibly.

Do the right thing."

I think I was reasoned. I didn't curse once. That is a MAJOR victory for Julie.

Around 5 am on the 15th, I get the following in reply:

"Hello,

Firstly, thank you for your concern about transgender people.

All the photos that appear on the post are taken from public internet platforms like reddit.com, where people uploaded and shared these photos by themselves (supposely, after estimating the potential influence on their lives). 18th paragraph from Reddit User Agreement states: "By submitting user content to reddit, you grant us a royalty-free, perpetual, irrevocable, non-exclusive, unrestricted, worldwide license to reproduce, prepare derivative works, distribute copies, perform, or publicly display your user content in any medium and for any purpose, including commercial purposes, and to authorize others to do so." There's a link where you can read more about it -

https://www .reddit. com/help/useragreement

Nevertheless, that was never an intention to put these people in danger and I'm sorry if you see this situation in this way. In that case, even if there's a slightest danger, we don't wanna risk. The post was taken down."

At this point in the proceedings, Julie takes a deep breath.

There is so much wrong with this.

And since I've been in a constant state of rage, and I do not wish to rewrite things in a calmer reasoned manner, here is the response I posted on my FB wall:

" "Firstly, thank you for your concern about transgender people."

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST YOU ARE SHITTING ME.

"All the photos that appear on the post are taken from public internet platforms like reddit. com, where people uploaded and shared these photos by themselves (supposely, after estimating the potential influence on their lives).”

OK WE'RE BLAMING THE VICTIMS NOW GOOD FUCKING JOB.

"18th paragraph from Reddit User Agreement states:"

FUCK YOU IMMORAL LAWS ARE NOT TO BE FOLLOWED FUCK YOU.

"Nevertheless, that was never an intention to put these people in danger and I'm sorry if you see this situation in this way"

THESE PEOPLE?

THESE PEOPLE?

FFFFFUUUUUCCCCCKKKKK YOU SO FUCKING HARD WITH SPORKS AND KNORKS AND RUSTY SCISSORS AND EVERYFUCKING THING ELSE I'M SORRY IF YOU FEEL THIS WAY FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

"In that case, even if there's a slightest danger, we don't wanna risk. The post was taken down."

HOW FUCKING MAGNANIMOUSLY CAUCASIAN OF YOU BUT NOW THOSE PHOTOS ARE ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE WITH LINKS TO THESE PEOPLE'S SOCIAL MEDIA ACCOUNTS ONE OF THEM WAS JUST ASSAULTED FOR LIVING WHILE TRANS SEVERAL OF THEM ARE TRYING TO FIND NEW JOBS SOME OF THEM AREN'T EVEN OUT TO THEIR PARENTS HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU HAVE POSSIBLY THOUGHT OR WAIT THERE IT IS THOUGHT I EXPECTED YOU TO THINK HA HA HA HA HA HA HA SILLY JULIE HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY THINK THAT SOMEONE WOULD ACTUALLY THINK ABOUT US OR IF AN ARTICLE THAT WE HAVEN'T FUCKING CONSENTED TO WOULD BE A RISK HA HA HA"

I...did edit out some of the egregious ha's I typed in there tho.

Because I do have some restraint.

Sometimes.

In the interest of clarity, here's how I replied to them tho:

"And because you put the photos up, now they have been disseminated and are replicated on multiple websites which have scraped your content and mirrored it. Good job. I hope you're proud."

They did see this reply. There is a read notification.

But they won't respond to it.

And give me credit...that was incredibly composed and restrained.

Comparatively speaking.

Here's the thing, people:

We're under threat. We're always under threat. On a good day our alert status is yellow. I don't know what a green day is like. Going out in public, even if I'm in boimode, worries me cos hey boobs am I right boys and girls they're pretty good, eh? So I get weird looks and looks of distaste and I wear makeup even if I have a day's growth because fuck I'm me why should I have to hide anymore look boobs.

Well, my average day starts orange now, and generally hits red around 10 AM on the regular. And I know loads of people tell me I can calm down, I can take breaks, I need to take care of myself.

And I shake my head.

When exactly am I allowed to do this?

My life...my very act of breathing 15 times a minute give or take...is a threat to people who have never met me. They want to put a bullet in my brain. They want to shove me in ovens. They want to cut me to pieces. They want to rape me while murdering me. And if you think I'm exaggerating or overegging the custard, I'm not. And I bet I get it lighter than a Zinnia Jones or a Riley Dennis. Or a Chelsea Manning. And I've seen the shit they get in PUBLIC, so I know it's bad.

These are my sisters.

My brothers.

My enby siblings.

This is my family.

And family means you fight.

Sometimes past the point of exhaustion.

Because the alternative really isn't an alternative. The alternative is surrender. The alternative is death. And if I'm going to die, I will die facing the enemy, I'll be armed, and I'll make damned sure I take as many of them with me when I go

Stay safe, comrades.

For me.

Transmission ends.

Trans 101 With Julie: Give a moment or two to the angry young tran

Hello and welcome back to Trans 101 With Julie.

I am interrupting my usual flow of pieces this week.

And there'll be no witty pop culture references. So if you've come to expect that, come to expect a light-hearted romp through Julie's Trans Life, you'll be disappointed.

I want to talk about this week.

I want to talk about my feelings about what happened this week.

I will likely alienate a lot of people with this.

I'm going to use really harsh language and potentially triggering words and slurs in here.

I'd say I'm sorry but I'm not.

It's all necessary.

Let's begin.

~~~//||\\~~~

In a series of three Tweets, and less than 420 characters, (chokes on the words) President Donald 'Cheeto Jesus' 'PINO Chitler' Trump made clear as policy that transgender members of the military would no longer be able to serve in any capacity. Not as front line soldiers. Not as pilots. Not as medical staff. Not in administration. In no way, shape or form.

I quote:

"After consultation with my Generals and military experts, please be advised that the United States Government will not accept or allow......
....Transgender individuals to serve in any capacity in the U.S. Military. Our military must be focused on decisive and overwhelming.....
....victory and cannot be burdened with the tremendous medical costs and disruption that transgender in the military would entail. Thank you"

There's no lack of clarity there.

Of course, this has led to the kind of uproar you usually see reserved for...well...gorillas shot in zoos or every other crap thing that falls out of Trump's sphincteresque oral orifice. People have spent thousands of words on how this is really all about cost, how this is really all about team synergy, how this is really all about making sure men don't rape women or come on to other men.

So let me break these lies down for you.

The RAND corporation did a survey/study of the DoD budget in 2014. At that time, the DoD budget for health care was six billion dollars. That's a 6 with 9 zeros following it, in case you didn't know. At that time, there were 2,450 openly trans members of the armed forces, and of that number perhaps 29 to 129 of them would require transition related health care that impacted their ability to deploy.

The cost for health care for this 2,450 members of the military?

Between 2.9 and 8.4 million dollars per annum.

Want a percentage on how much that works out to as a portion of the DoD health care budget in toto?

Here it is.

0.14%

Let me repeat this, with words this time.

ZERO POINT ONE FOUR PERCENT.

Using the highest amount of the health care estimated range. Divide that number by 3 for the low end estimate.

Also keep THIS in mind: trans health care: it's not fucking surgeries. We aren't joining the military to get top surgery (trans men) or neovaginas (women). Some of us don't want that at all. Some of us can't have that for other reasons. Trans health care is literally health care for trans members of the military. And lest you think hormones are some exorbitant cost, consider this: I pay, out of pocket because my insurance doesn't cover it at all, about 10 bucks a month for estrogen. My spiro is covered because my freaking cardiologist prescribes it to me to aid with some circulatory issues I have. So, like, 120 bucks a year? Obviously breaking the bank, and keeping us from ordering yet another fighter jet that explodes if you look at it wrong, causes pilots to vomit on launch, and requires manual system reboots in mid air due to software failure.

But we are talking about a military complex that has no compunctions creating more fodder to grind up in the war mill, but won't take care of them once they're home and broken from what they've seen.

This is obviously NOT a budgetary concern.


This is not about team synergy. Countless enlisted troops have stepped forward and said they don't care who is fighting along side them so long as they are doing their job. Generals have stated that they were blindsided by this edict; in fact, many of them didn't know it was coming until the tweets came through. Apparently there was NO communication between the Joint Chiefs of Staff, the DoD, and affected commanding officers and the Commander in Thief.

Somehow, given the tack of this administration, this comes as no shock.


This is not about concerns that a transgender member of the military will be a traitor.

This one comes from the transmisist fallacy that someone who is confused about their gender will end up confused over whose side they're on.

This one is obviously hateful bullshit.

Firstly, we're not confused about our gender. Many of us knew from the time we were able to actually form words that things were wrong. Some of use could have been diagnosed with depression when we entered kindergarten. Some of us attempted suicide after taking part in the one thing in high school that made us feel like ourselves because when it was over, that safe space was gone. Some of us tried repeatedly to get transition underway, only to be thwarted at every turn. And still we banged our head against the brick wall like a recalcitrant bull until either we broke or the wall broke.
I may or may not be speaking from experience.

The simple fact of the matter is this: we KNEW. We KNOW. We know who we are.

Did you know, for example, that roughly 1 in 5 trans people eligible for military service actually serve? Compare that to 1 in 10 of the rest of the populace. Some of this is because it's one of the few places we can actually GET a job, let alone health care and the like. Some of it is obviously for reasons of wanting to serve this country, even as it is a country that constantly reminds us how much less we are as human beings. Most of it is because we're brave enough to put our lives at risk to BE ourselves.

We're not confused about who we are.


It's not about men raping women.

There should be an uproar about men raping women. It's an endemic problem in and out of the military. Oddly it's never brought up when cisgender male members of the military rape women in the military. I guess it's because that never happens, it's only the degenerate and sub-human trans members of the military that rape women.

Oh wait.

1955 Yumiko-chan incident
1991 Tailhook scandal
1995 Okinawa rape incident
2002 Michael Brown incident
2006 Mahmudiyah killings
1996 Aberdeen scandal
2003 US Air Force sexual assault scandal
2012 US Air Force sexual assault scandal

Just off the top of my head.

But hey, gotta keep the trannies out.

Maybe we need to keep the cis men out.

Just a thought.


In the interim, we have all these people speaking out and speaking up about this discrimination. You'd think this is a good thing, that we'd be appreciative of this support. And maybe some/most/nearly all of us are.

I'm not.

You see, I'm sitting here, and I'm seeing this upswell of attention and anger.

And I wonder:

WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN BEFORE THIS?

It is in the same classroom as all the cis people who did stuff for Pride. Yay well and good you changed your profile pic to have a rainbow overlay and you used your pride reacts and you said all kinds of nice things.

And then Pride ended.

And you went silent.

I expect a spate of 'But I don't...' and 'But you know I...' and 'Not all people are like...'

And I shake my head, and say it's a shame.

Because if you read what I wrote, and your initial reaction is one of those, you ARE part of the problem, whether you want to admit it or not.

If you know you are putting in the work, you won't get upset, because you realise my words are NOT FOR YOU. You realise that you don't need to put in my face all the things you are doing. You are vocal all the time. You amplify and don't speak over. You look for trans voices to lift up about trans issues.

Here's the thing, cis people without a clue:

You see the rainbow alphabet soup community as one glorious melange of colours and cool clothes and awesome dance music and stuff.

You don't realise that the Bi connunity is erased and is sitting on the outside looking in.

You don't realise the L community is basically looked on as fodder for straight cis men to toss off over.

You don't realise that the T community is pushed so far out of the way that we're in a different club completely, and some of us are in a corner listening to Bathory and Septic Flesh because dance music makes us break out in hives.

Because that pretty community you love so much?

It's catered to young buff white cis male gays.

And everyone else gets to go pound sand.

Even within the trans community, we have the truscum trans people and the Caitlyns and the Indias and so on telling us what you really need to be to be trans. You have people like Riley Dennis getting dragged through the mud because she would neither confirm nor deny that she was on HRT, which of course meant she was a transtrender. You have people like Zinnia Jones who gets attacked at every turn because she has the guts to stand up against people like Laci Green and prove her wrong every damned time. You have people like Katelyn Burns and other trans journalists who writes deeply researched and documented pieces on the trans community and repeatedly has gotten passed over for some writing jobs for cis people to do the same thing from an uninformed standpoint.

Our own community wants to kick us out.

You have people like Phil Attey who tells us that if we want people to support us, we need to act a certain way, and not slur people by calling them cis. Phil Attey, who calls Repub gay men raggots, tells us how we should act and treat him if we want his table scraps.

Here is what we get 24/7/52/365, courtesy of my friend Mia Violet (another trans essayist you need to check out):

"Celebrities: Trans people, you are valid ❤
Trans people: Thanks, but um… Can you support us the rest of the year too?
Celebs: Byeee~"

Here are my thoughts on all of this in the most piquant, potentially offensive, punctilious manner available to me:

We see you.

We see your being offended that the President won't let us die for you.

We see you not care the rest of the time.

And we don't want that support.

We don't need that kind of support.

And if you're the kind of person who only speaks up when something like this happens, or something like Pride is happening...we don't want you.

Bad shit happens to us every damned day of our lives. We are constantly dehumanised, cast as monsters, cast as degenerate or mentally ill. We are routinely discriminated against, unhireable, discriminated against at the jobs we have (and oh sweet Artemis can I share from personal experience as well as stories from other trans people I know). We're seen simultaneously as freaks and fetishes, good enough to fuck but not worthy of relationships. We're constantly flooded with rafts of death threats AND dick pictures...often from the same person. For those of us with any connection whatsoever with the mostly indy trans erotica industry (a more than coincidental number of my closest friends on Twitter run their own studios, are producers, directors, cam girls, etc.) these things are doubled/trebled/et cetera.

We're gawked at and ridiculed.

We're treated as less than human but good enough to fuck.

And in the end, all we're good for us fertiliser for flowers.

Just ask Dee Whigham.

Except you can't, because she was stabbed in excess of 100 times by former Navy member Dwanya Hickerson.

To the best of my knowledge, with 5 months left in the year, we are at 15 trans women murdered in the US, the vast majority of which are trans women of colour.

Last year was 27.

Better than two per month.

We'll probably break that record this year.

Are you outraged enough yet?

Are you angry enough yet to speak up more than one month a year plus a few extra days here and there?

Cos if you're not...take your support elsewhere.

Cos I don't want it.

~~~//||\\~~~

I continually and constantly say I am not your Good Trans Friend.

I am angry.

I am acidic.

If you've ever seen this meme:

I never hit the first or the second.

I started immediately at number 3.

Maybe this is because I was out to the public for over two years before I was finally able to start HRT. Maybe it's because I'm an angry young woman in general. I don't know.

The pure and simple of this is this:

I don't trust you.

I'm being as honest as I can possibly be.

If you're cisgender, I don't trust you.

I can't.

Some people have proven worthy of me letting them in. But generally speaking, I can't and won't trust cis people. I don't trust that women want me there in their spaces, I can't trust that they'll fight for me with as much loudness as they will for AFAB women (ref: the Women's March, which felt like FAR from a safe space for me). I don't trust that men won't turn on me like they turn on women. If you're a gay man or lesbian woman, I don't trust you doubly because your community has done a yeoman's job making sure we know that we're guilty of gay genocide for wanting to be the gender we are.

I'd say I don't care if this causes me to lose people, and on one hand I really kinda don't care. I definitely don't care if this means that people say I'm building an echo chamber...because if I can't surround myself with people who understand me, and my life, and what I am going through...and do so with nothing but support and kindness...then what point is there?

There IS a war going on, and you may not like the analogy, it's true.

Let me leave you with this:

In may of 1935, Jewish people were not only forbidden to join the German armed forces, those currently serving were removed from the military.

Four months later, Jewish people in Germany were stripped of their citizenship.

And if you haven't seen ANY parallels with what this current administration is doing with the German government post-Weimar, you're willfully blind.

Julie out.






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