Hello and welcome back to Trans 101 With Julie. I am the titular Julie, and I'm glad you decided to pop by today.
The past several months have been chock a block with struggling, I won't lie. From medical issues to medicine issues to dysphoria to depression, there have been very few days where I've felt at all good. That meant taking a long hard look at things I was doing and making rash decisions on them.
For example, I spent a lot of the summer finding my place socially on line, and part of that entailed shutting off Facebook and withdrawing pretty heavily from that platform. Instead, I spent a lot of time on Twitter, a platform I've been on for a while, but really didn't get into a lot...at least til this summer. Over the past year or so a lot of people may have heard the term Black Twitter for the very strong community that has grown up around and for that culture. The trans community is no different. We are diverse of course, but there's a lot of cross pollination from sub group to sub group.
So here are some things I've learned this summer on Trans Twitter.
1) You may never meet as amazing a group of friends anywhere else. You have access essentially to every trans person in the world...and you will find people who share your interests, expose you to new ones, and love you for the person you are. They treat you like...well, like just another person. And that is one of the most affirming things in the world...you don't have to perform.
2) Everyone crushes on everyone. It's really kind of true. The extension/corollary to this is everyone is apparently dating everyone else. Let's face it...who's going to get you as well as another person just like you? Not many people, that's who. It's actually very funny in a lot of ways...transmisists like Ray Blanchard obsess over how when we transition we won't be attractive enough to find mates...yet find a group of girls (or guys, I'm guessing it's similar on that side) and before long you'll have open invitations to go just about anywhere, with promises of local food, sight seeing, and cuddles (or more depending on stuff). I know if I travel the country I prolly have a network of dozens of friends who will take me in, make me food I've never had before, and cuddle on the couch for Doctor Who and stuff. It's a neat feeling, not gonna lie.
3) If you think you're on the left, trust me...it goes further. Yes, there are conservative trans girls. And yes, there are alt right trans girls. But at least when it comes to the community I've fallen in with, the most right leaning of the girls I now would be described as a socialist, and everyone else tends to lean anarchist. This is because one thing we learn very quickly is...
4) No matter what you thought before, the Democratic party is not on your side. Essentially, what you pick up on is the fact that Democrats are rethuglicans with blue ties. It's almost easier to find trans hatred and transphobia from dems as it is from rethugs. It's all the sadder because one would think we'd find support somewhere...and it's from groups like the DSA and IWW. I won't make the 'both sides are as bad as the other' statement...but it's pretty damned close.
5) Are you having a bad day? Someone is having a bad day for the same exact reasons, and you will find each other, and you will bond. It happens all the time. It's frightening at the surface, and more so the deeper you go as you realise how quickly y'all end up finding each other. Friendships have started for less...and I'm sure there's one or two cases where it went like this:
Person A: I'm having a shit day for reasons
Person B: I too a having a shit day for reasons.
(one week passes)
Person A & B: Hey everyone we wanted to announce we're engaged.
6) You will learn about your body through others. Have you ever thought hey, my legs aren't terrible? Go ahead, post a pic. An hour later you will have 35 likes, 10 girls telling you how much your legs slay, 7 girls posting OH GOSH and/or WOW I'M SO GAY at you, and three date offers in your DMs. Someone will ask for a selfie and you will hear every little thing that's good about you that you never saw yourself because you have dysphoria and are societally programmed to reject your appearance because you don't look traditionally femme. You will learn that there are approximately a million different body types out there, and every woman you think is beautiful will turn around and tell you the same thing. And the best part? They mean it.
7) You will have a much better grasp on your sexuality and how your body sexually responds than ever in your life. Sex for me was always a hella awkward thing for VERY obvious reasons. And thanks to hormones, it became even more awkward and ungainly. But meeting and getting to know so many sex positive women who had been exactly where I was was a godsend...because all of a sudden I had a cadre of older sisters, many of whom were younger than me, helping me understand and find ways to please myself and find pleasure that would work for my body and not cause me to get upset and dysphoric. They verified a lot of the things I had discovered on my own, and the degree of frank discussion about sex was...at first terrifying, but became kind of normal. I mean hell, I've even reached a point where performing isn't something that I'd be averse to with the right people...and with an indy studio (or Crash Pad, but) and ethical production...
As did the use of gay as an all purpose term that ranged in use from self identification (I am so gay) to complimenting a photograph (OMG that selfie made me gay) to flirting (I am so gay for you) to...you get the idea. It's all very good and pure, really.
8) Compersion is a huge thing. One of the biggest issues I've seen outside of trans twitter is jealousy. I've lost friendships over the fact that I was out in public...over the fact that I'm on estrogen...over the fact that I'm in a happy, healthy, and committed relationship. It hurts. It truly does. I am not going to say there isn't jealousy in the twitter trans community; for example, I'm jealous of the fact that a bunch of people I like a lot as friends can hang out regularly for all kinds of fun, including playing Warhammer. But more powerful than that jealousy is my happiness at seeing pix of them hanging out and smiling and laughing. That part outweighs by far any jealousy I have. And finding joy in someone else's happiness is enlightening and revealing. And frankly, it's wonderful.
It's also selfish in a way, but selfish in the best possible way.
9) An attack on one of us is an attack on all of us. A lot of the cliques/polycules/etc are incestuous enough that if we hear someone we haven't met yet is getting bombed by TERFs and brogamers and so on, there'll be an influx of us coming to their defense. I've seen it happen enough to know it's not really an isolated situation. If you remember the Bored Panda debacle from a few months ago, it's much like that. It's a powerful thing and something that I really cherish about the people I consider my real family.
10) Some trans people are the biggest Quislings you will ever find. After all that positiveness, it sucks to write something so drastically negative. But it's true. I believe in other communities there are words for this kind of person, but they're not my words so I'll refrain, and just use the generic Quisling. But. You see trans people, often in a position of privilege (and by that I typically mean upper class/professional/etc) who forget exactly where they came from and decided to pull the ladder up behind them as quickly as possible. You see a lot of appeasement policies bandied about by them...a lot of respectability politics. You see people saying we need to listen to TERFs and try to find a common ground with them. This goes down about as well as you'd expect, really. You see some trans people saying 'don't say TERF it's a slur' or 'stop calling them cis, they don't like that.' I'm fortunate on that level, but the biggest majority of the people I hang with are either activists, creatives, or porn performers or sex workers, so they tend to be pretty distrustful of systems in general and cynical by nature...and dear Artemis do I identify there.
It'll quite possibly be one of the most life changing experiences you'll ever have. Since getting involved in the community, I've been able to connect with, and become friends with, some amazing writers/activists like Katelyn Burns, Zinnia Jones and Stef Sanjati. I've met so many people that I admired and looked up to as role models and gotten to know them on a much deeper level, and it's been amazing for my incredibly fragile self esteem...not because I define myself by those friendships but because when I'm struggling these people, and countless others, check in on me and make sure I'm OK. And then, for every bit that I admire them, I see them say nice things about me and it just...it's support and kindness and love I never had much of before discovering the trans community online.
It's just really wonderful, and affirming, and helps sustain me so much.
These are, as always, really just one person's experiences on this, but even if not every point is one of commonality, I think that a lot of this would be true of many of my friends on twitter, and something I could comfortably assert would be things you could find there. Was I, or am I, very lucky? Perhaps. But luck is something I am NOT well acquainted with so I'd prefer to lean toward trans twitter just being a good place for us, period.
I'd be curious about your experiences and feelings, so if you have anything you'd like to bring to the table, the floor is open to discussion. As always, I hope that this has been fun and maybe a little informative for you. Let me know if you have any questions, and I'll see you back here next time.
Take care, and stay alive <3
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