Transgender Day of Remembrance 2016

(NB: This was initially posted on Facebook on the 20November 2016. I am now sharing it here as well.)


Sunday 20 November is the 18th Transgender Day of Remembrance.

Because of reasons beyond my ability to control, I am unable to share this on my wall. For the first time since I started being more public about myself, I am not allowed by Facebook to express my thoughts about TDOR. Instead, I am going to write this, and ask for each of you to share this as widely as possible.

I have a story to tell. This should come as no surprise, really...when do I not have a story to tell? This one is personal, and surely I will get into some kind of trouble for it, so I'm going to be very non specific on certain things. Names have been removed.

Here we go.

A while ago I spoke on the phone to a very dear friend of mine who had just come out as trans. I was hugely proud of her, as the pix I saw showed the same kinds of things people said of me when I came out...a genuine smile, a glow, a radiance. There was an ease of bearing...a sense of truly being, rather than wearing an ill fitting costume. I was so proud of her, and told her that. I encouraged her, told her how much happier she'd be as she progressed along and came out of the shell that'd held her back for so long.

We both cried. It was incredibly powerful. I remembered how I felt when I had this conversation from the other side of the equation, and I can imagine how she felt, but not really, you know? I just know I was proud of her. Like you are.

Several days after that call, I had a second call.

On this call, I was told goodbye.

She was scared. Terrified of a world in which people would attack her for being her. Terrified of a world in which a fascist neo-dictator would be legislating against all non WASP cis het people. She's not only trans, she's a trans WOC and so double the worry. She was happy with her decision...she was going to make a day of it, go to the movies, have a great dinner, and she was at peace with her decision. She was in too much pain...physical, emotional, fear...she didn't want to have to bear living in fear every time she walked out her door.

To the best of my understanding, she's still with us. It's touch and go. I know she's in the best hands she can be in, but...it's hard.

And I get it. I do.

Last night...or was it the night before?...I got a FB message from a friend of mine I have known since high school, apologising for not touching base with me and checking in on me sooner. She knew how terrified I must be feeling and felt she'd done me wrong, maybe?, by not taking the time to make sure I was OK and if I needed anything sooner. I don't know that there was any reason to apologise to me, since I knew just how much pressure she'd been under with so much stuff in her personal and professional live...but I meant and mean enough that she DID find the time to tell me I mattered, and that she saw me and heard me and was with me.

I am not sure how easy that is to understand.

But here's the thing, OK?

I say constantly that I don't want allies, and I don't. I do want accomplices, people who will dive into the mud and the blood and fight with me, not for me.

Most of all, however, I want friends.

That's all any of us...and by us, I mean humanity as a whole, of course, but specifically, I mean my trans brothers and sisters and enbies and the rest. We want friends. We want to know we matter. We need to know that we have people who will help keep us safe. Especially in a world like the one we are creating through peccatum omissionis et commissionis, we want to know that the way out is through...that there is in fact a way through that people can help us through when we need it, holding us up when we are hurting, walking alongside us when we can carry ourselves.

I grew up in the country, and it was not until I went to college that I had any exposure to a community of LGBTQIALMNOP people. I felt...no, knew...I was a freak, and a monster, and horribly terribly broken. I've said it before, and I'll say it again here; I was terribly homophobic and transphobic. Perhaps not vocally so, but the fact is in my head and my heart I know I was...and yes, that was because I hated what I saw in me, which I knew was wrong, and evidence that I was irreparably broken.

How many of us feel that way?

How many trans youth wake up every day knowing, because of what they are taught, that they are worthless?

How many are rejected outright by their families?

How many have to live rough, do risky things, just to have a 'safe' place to stay?

Too many.

2016 has already surpassed 2015 as the deadliest year for trans men and women in the 'United' States. Let me list the names, so I can offer my own remembrance:

    Monica Loera, a 43-year-old Latina trans woman from North Austin, Texas. For days, both the media and police report identified her as a man and referred to her using her birth name.

    Jasmine Sierra, a 52-year-old Latina trans woman from Bakersfield, California, was found dead in an apartment on 22 January, with her body showing signs of trauma and foul play according to police.

    Kayden Clarke, a 24-year-old white transgender man with Asperger's syndrome from Mesa, Arizona, was fatally shot on 4 February by police who had been responding to a call to prevent him from committing suicide.

    Maya Young, a 25-year-old black trans woman from Philadelphia, was fatally stabbed on 20 February 2016.

    Demarkis Stansberry, a 30-year-old African-American transgender man of Baton Rouge, Louisiana, was fatally shot on 27 February by an acquaintance. Some media reports identified him as a woman and used his former name.

    Kedarie/Kandicee Johnson, 16-year-old black genderfluid child (who went by both names and used the pronoun they), was found dead by Burlington, Iowa police on 2 March, having been shot several times and left in an alley.

    Kourtney Yochum, a 32-year-old trans woman of color, was murdered on 23 March in Los Angeles.

    Shante Thompson, a 34-year-old black transgender woman, was beaten and fatally shot in Houston, Texas on 11 April.

    Keyonna Blakeney, a 22-year-old black trans woman from Upper Marlboro, Maryland who had attended Bowie State University, was found dead in a hotel room in Rockville, Maryland on 16 April, with trauma to the upper body indicating she had been beaten and murdered.

    Reese Walker, a 32-year-old black transgender woman from Wichita, Kansas, was stabbed to death in the evening of 1 May, in her Windridge apartment bedroom.

    Mercedes Successful, a 32-year-old black transgender woman was found dead in a Haines City, Florida parking lot on 15 May 2016, after being shot.

    Amos Beede, a 38-year-old homeless transgender man was severely beaten in Burlington, Vermont on 23 May. He died of his injuries (broken bones, internal bleeding in the brain) in the hospital six days later, on 29 May.

    "Goddess" Diamond, a 20-year-old black trans woman, was found in a torched car in New Orleans, Louisiana on 5 June. She died from blunt force trauma before the car was burned.

    Deeniqua Dodds, a 22-year-old black trans woman, was shot in the neck near her home in Washington D.C. on 4 July 2016. The shot left her hospitalized on life support until she died on 14 July.

    Dee Whigham, a 25-year-old black trans woman who worked as a nurse, was stabbed to death in the face and body on 23 July in her hotel room in Biloxi, Mississippi, where she was staying with friends to see a rodeo. Police arrested a 20-year-old US Navy trainee as the suspected killer.

    Skye Mockabee, a 26-year-old black trans woman, was found dead on 30 July in a parking lot in Ohio with a head wound, the victim of an apparent homicide. Initial reports from the medical examiner and police misnamed and misgendered her.

    Erykah/Erika Tijerina, a 36-year-old Latina trans woman, was found dead in her apartment in El Paso, Texas on 8 August 2016. Tijerina's sisters expressed belief that her death was a hate crime.

    Rae'Lynn Thomas, a 28-year-old black trans woman, was shot twice in front of her mother, and then beaten to death by James Allen Byrd in Columbus, Ohio on 10 August as she begged for her life Byrd called her "the devil" and made transphobic comments. Her family called for the murder to be investigated as a hate crime, but Ohio hate crime statues do not cover gender identity.

    T.T. Saffore, a trans woman, aged 26 or 27, from Chicago's West Side was found murdered in Chicago's Garfield Park the evening of 11 September 2016. Her throat had been cut and a knife was found nearby. According to a friend of T.T., Saffore got into an altercation with a young woman on Madison Street. The woman pulled a knife and allegedly said "I'm going to get you killed." T.T. did not report the crime to the Chicago Police Department due to a fear of abuse from CPD officers towards trans women who live on the West Side. Major media outlets misgendered her.

    Crystal Edmonds, a 32-year-old black trans woman, was killed in Baltimore on 16 September 2016.

    Jazz Alford, a 30-year-old black trans woman from North Carolina, was killed in her hotel room in Birmingham, Alabama on 23 September 2016. She was initially misgendered by the police, but her sister Toya Milan, also a trans woman, corrected the record as to her sister's gender.

    Brandi Bledsoe, a 32-year-old black trans woman from Cleveland, Ohio, was found dead in a driveway on 8 October 2016. Her body, wearing only underwear with white plastic bags covering her head and hands. She was found by a 5-year-old boy.

    Sierra/Simon Bush, a white 18 year old gender nonconforming Boise State University student went missing on 24 September. The body was found naked in a rural area creek south of Idaho City, Idaho, about 30 miles away from their home a month later, on 25 October. An investigation is still ongoing, "Police have not said whether they suspect foul play in her death, or whether Bush left Boise of her own volition. But Boise Police Sgt. Justin Kendall said the case is being investigated as suspicious.

    Noony Norwood, a 30-year-old transgender woman of color, was shot and killed on 5 November 2016 in Virginia. Police are investigating surveillance of a man leaving the scene. They are not yet clear about what the motive of the killer may have been.


Not even in death are these men and women afforded any dignity. Misgendered, misnamed, treated as less than chattel, left to die for children to find, for police to say 'well, it may be suspicious,' not reporting things because they fear abuse at the hands of the people sworn to protect them.

This is our world.

Not just for everyone, but for every trans man, woman, and non-binary out there that I call my family.

And thanks to 60 million people, it's going to get worse.

So when I say anyone who voted for the president-elect is worthless, is scum, lacks common decency and humanity, see where I am coming from. I have no reason or need to be kind. I have no need or reason to be polite, to be respectful, to appease. He has made it clear he is not my president, and thus I refuse to recognise him as such. At the VERY best, he is a crimson king, and the blood on his hands will never wash away.

There is an epidemic of murder against my community going on, and too many hands are complicit in it.

So take a few minutes today, and take into consideration the men and women and enbies and genderfluid individuals I listed above. Offer them some respect, unlike what was afforded them in life. Spare them and their families some love...because surely they lacked in that in life.

Take some time and spare a thought for my friend, who deserves to know she is loved, and respected, and seen.

And then do something.

Make a fucking difference.

Because next time...next time, the name you'll see may be mine.




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