I want to write a thing.
And maybe in the writing and the telling, even if my words are pretentious and make you cringe with embarrassment something...anything...might be gained.
I am a member of, and somehow a moderator of, a discord channel. And in the last day or two or three, a person came into the advice channel and asked some questions about transition.
So far so good so what?
The question was, on the surface, innocuous:
"do you think i could pass if i transitioned?"
But here are the qualifiers.
1) this was followed up with statements that if they couldn't pass, they wouldn't bother.
2) coupled with a past message history (that i missed), which included such prize bon mots as:
"men were designed to be disposable, and as a man, that's makes me feel really hurt."
Let's unpack this bullshit.
First off, transitioning to avoid 'male disposability'?
In a society that is entirely based around male dominance and a cishet capitalist patriarchy? Giveth unto me a break, cries this Julie.
Secondly...thinking that transitioning will somehow give you special privilege and power?
Listen...here's a tip...we really do not get checks from George Soros.
There are no secret power broker meetings.
Hell, the best you're gonna get is pizza, beer and a dozen of us comparing breasts and engaging in wild junk food fueled orgies with paeans to Bacchus and Aphrodite...
(girls, next week's the full moon, and the party's here. if you have any plus ones, please let me know, k? Thx)
But for real? For real for real?
The guy got kicked, and rightfully so.
And I was tripping balls on sleeping meds so I just remember being snarfy, and introducing a bunch of people to the word applesolutely.
But here's the bigger picture, ok?
It's an outsider perspective to think that transition is all about passing.
And hell, the dude even kept using male pronouns so you know he was either trolling, or...well, I think he might have been serious.
And hella dangerous.
We struggle with passing...passing does come with privilege, but it's hella not easy. It hinges on so many variables none of us can control.
And hell...I know I never will 'pass.'
But I don't care anymore.
And with that modifier 'anymore,' I obviously did at one point.
But age, genetics, body structure...I have what i have.
And cisnormative femininity is a) bullshit b) unattainable even by 95% of cis women, and c) dangerous.
It's so important I had to say it twice.
Passing brings with it a degree of safety, and I recognise that.
But safety for any woman is an illusion.
And for trans women? Doubly so.
Transition isn't a fetish thing.
It's about saving one's life.
And do you think that's dramatic? Do you think that's over the top?
It's bloody not.
Had I not started transitioning, I'd have killed myself...a fact that surely has some people out there wishing I hadn't.
Transition is saving my life by degrees.
And no, I won't "pass."
But I'll look ok.
I already do sometimes.
And yeah people will look at me.
But they already do.
And have for a long time.
And this isn't about fitting in.
It's not about accessing women's spaces.
It's not about throwing off the imaginary shackles of 'male disposability.'
It's not about getting the privilege of looking like a woman.
It's about staying alive.
And being real.
And yeah I get more than a little angry when someone acts like this is just some suit they can put on.
Because it's our life.
And we are not costumes.
And the sooner men/terfs stop with this fetishy 'womanface' bullshit, the better.