I wantr to spend some time today writing about, and talking about, -ERF ideology. I label it thusly because there are multiple kinds of ideology here and while they share some essential similarities, they are in some cases different enough to warrant individual attention. For the purposes of today's essay, I'm going to be talking about three of the most prevalent flavours of -ERFism out there right now:
TERF – trans exclusionary radical feminism
SWERF – sex worker exclusionary radical feminism
PERF – penis exclusionary radical feminism.
The only reason they're listed in that order is...well, honestly, because I coin flipped each term and did a little chart thing. While some of these impact me far more than others, all are dangerous and hurtful for feminism as a whole, women as a subset, and trans women as a specific targeted community.
Let's begin, shall we?
TERF, or trans exclusionary radical feminism, really does what it says on the label. It is a branch of radical feminism that posits that trans women are not women as they do not have the benefit of female biology (namely, a vagina, uterus, ovaries, menstrual cycle, the ability to give birth, etc.), they were not socialised female and thus benefit from male socialisation in a patriarchal society, and are secretly rapists who want into bathrooms to rape little girls, because all people with penises are rapists regardless of age.
Wow, that last one, huh? I totally understand if you don't believe me on that one, but I have, as the youth today say, the receipts.
Biological essentialism, i.e., “the belief that 'human nature', an individual's personality, or some specific quality (such as intelligence, creativity, homosexuality, masculinity, femininity, or a male propensity to aggression) is an innate and natural 'essence' (rather than a product of circumstances, upbringing, and culture)” is at the core of TERFism. Essentialism is a very dangerous ideology, as it spreads to areas such as race essentialism (i.e., certain ethnic groups are smarter, or stronger, or faster, or more prone to crime than others.). It posits that you are what you are and nothing can change the circumstances of your life. You are born into a station, and said station is where you die. You rise to your particular level of mediocrity and stay there.
Biological essentialism plays into socialisation. It basically states that each gender has a predetermined list of traits that are archetypal and said lists/traits are immutable. It also posits that those who break the boundaries of said gender boxes are punished through forced transition rather than accepting, for example, their effeminate masculinity or their tomboy nature.
Not a single bit of this is true in any way shape or form.
Let me use myself as an example...mostly because I'm the person whose story I can tell best.
If ever there was someone who fit absolutely none of the archetypes of a typical boy, it was me. I was quiet, reserved, prone to make believe, would rather read books or build with Lego than play kickball. I was bullied mercilessly, tho not ever called gay or faggot (until high school, at least). While the rest of class played kickball, or murderball, or whatever, I was off to the side talking to teachers and hanging out with the kid in my class who was haemophiliac and thus rough housing was scary and bad.
Know who accepted me, though?
The girls in the class.
Maybe they saw me as someone safe. Maybe they saw me as someone who wasn't going to get grabby when hormones started kicking in. I can't honestly tell you. All I know is they let me sit with them, they talked with me, and they treated me like a human being. Like one of them. And yes, I had ideas something was really amiss, but I had no words for it. I just knew I was being accepted by people and I was pretty ok with that.
Obviously as time went on, things changed. Well, OK...some things changed. The guys got...worse. Across the board. Rougher, louder, just more...everything. Between seventh grade and 8th grade it seemed everyone became someone different...even the girls, who I'd been at least welcome with, started being distant, and puberty was a thing. They were changing in their own ways. And I wasn't...at least, not in any ways that I could understand. I wasn't changing like the boys were, I wasn't changing like the girls were. I was just kind of...there.
Was I socialised male? I can't answer that. I can tell you I was rejected by every guy in my classes from associating with them (with the only exclusion being choir), I was mocked and ridiculed, and the only time that stopped is when two things happened:
1) my junior year I had a breakdown and broke my hand punching a locker.
2) my senior year I finally tired of being pushed around in gym class, stick checked someone into the bleachers, and went after him with a lacrosse stick.
I proceeded to sick up after each of those events.
In fact, I feel nauseous any time I start getting upset and angry. Hell, I start to freak out when voices start raising because I immediately think something violent is going to happen.
Was I socialised male? I can't answer that. I saw the pressures girls were faced with, the way guys treated them, their frustrations at not being taken seriously, how quickly they were talked over even when they knew something better than someone else. I felt similar but not the same things. I knew I was being afforded benefits that I didn't deserve just because my body had a certain shape and I had a certain smell...even if I rejected everything that came with it.
Was I socialised make?
Fucked if I know.
What I do know is I was not an effeminate male, nor was I a gay male...as much as part of me thought it'd be easier if I were. Hell, I'm pretty sure my parents feel the same way even today.
Am I blessed with the fact that I lack a uterus, vagina, ovaries, menstrual cycle, ability to give birth? I don't know. I know if I had those things I'd feel more complete. I've passed kidney stones, pain is a thing I'm somewhat used to. I regret that I'll never get pregnant, never feel a child growing inside me, never give birth. I wish I could. I wish I could be a mother.
But I don't feel less like a woman because of it.
And in limiting womanhood to that or some mystical moon womb portal to the divine? That reduces women who are unable to get pregnant, or who have gone through menopause, to 'not women.' Is feminism that excludes women feminism?
Stating that trans women do not have the same lived experiences as “natal women” is a ridiculous statement in and of itself, because no two women have the same lived experiences. Is your life, as a white middle class cisgender presumably heterosexual woman the de facto norm for lived female experiences? Do black women have the same experiences as you? Latinas? Japanese? Chinese? Indigenous? Indian? Muslim? Hindu? Buddhist? Every woman has a different lived experience, and not a single one is wrong or incomplete because it does not mesh with someone else's perception of what being a woman is.
Of course, bring that up and TERFs automatically revert to chromosomes and organs.
And when you bring up the reductive nature of THAT...you just don't know what it's like to live as a woman.
It's a vicious circle.
It's a thing they hope they can tire you through, and get you to leave them alone while they, in the guise of “protecting women,” do their damndest to kick an entire class of women out of feminism because of biological essentialism and imperative. TERFism isn't just an ideology that is excluding trans women, it runs the risk of disenfranchising ANY woman regardless of biology if they fail to meet a TERFs preconception of what a woman is and looks like. And that's a thing we're seeing already today, as athletic women, or women with a more masc appearance, are being questioned going to bathrooms or whatever under the assumption that they are male sex offenders looking to attack innocent women and children.
Just because they don't look like the stereotypical “femme” woman.
TERFs hurt all women.
ALL women.
They just don't want to face or admit it, because if they did, they'd have to agree that they use the very methods they decry being used on women, ON women. And that cognitive dissonance? That may just be enough to fry their brains.
Finally...a bit of informatgion, taken from experience. I am on contra-hormonal therapy. I take two medications every day; one of them is aldactone, a potassium sparing diuretic and anti-androgen which blocks the manufacture of testosterone by the testes. The other is estradiol valerate...estrogen. I've written about the effects of these two medications before, but let me refresh your memories some via carefully selected copy/pasta:
• fewer instances of waking up with an erection or spontaneously having an erection; some trans women also find their erections are less firm during sex, or can’t get erect at all
Spontaneous and morning erections decrease significantly in frequency, although some patients who have had an orchiectomy still experience morning erections. Voluntary erections may or may not be possible, depending on the amount of hormones and/or antiandrogens being taken.
• decrease in testicular size
Testicle volume is reduced by about 25% with typical dosages and as much as 50% with higher dosages, especially after a year of HRT. When testosterone is dramatically reduced, spermatogenesis is halted almost completely, and when the cells that are involved in these processes go unused, they atrophy.
• decrease in sex drive
Some transgender women report a significant reduction in libido, depending on the dosage of antiandrogens. A small number of post-operative transgender women take low doses of testosterone to boost their libido. Many pre-operative transgender women wait until after reassignment surgery to begin an active sex life. Raising the dosage of estrogen or adding a progestogen raises the libido of some transgender women.
But What. Does. This. Mean?
Well, let me tell you.
First off, I don't get erections. Basically at all. Do I feel the effects of arousal there? Yes. Of course I do. But there is no wood, not without popsicle sticks and gaffer's tape (ha ha gaffer tape I made a joke please laugh). Secondly, on the RARE occasional I have an ejaculatory orgasm, it's dry as the Mojave. Do I feel like sexing up anything and everything that moves. Hardly, come on, this is reductive. Do these things preclude me from being able to have sex? Only if you think all sex is, is penis in vagina.
Do you know who's going to go into a women's bathroom to attack and/or rape women/young girls?
Fucking rapists, that's who.
Are there trans rapists? Prolly. There are women who are rapists too, including women who prey on other women. Rape isn't about sex, it's about power and control. And TERFs and their demands for womyn born womyn spaces ignore the simple fact that women are like any other human being. And there can be horrible monsters even in their own ranks. No gender identity is ideologically pure...and ideological purity is a tool of fascism.
Remember kids...gender critical is just the radfem equivalent to race realist.
Hell, they're often allies, to boot.
As we continue our jaunt, SWERFs are radical feminists that believe all sex work is demean ing and coercive, that sex workers are all enslaved by the patriarchy to benefit men, and even consensual sex work isn't truly consensual because it involves sex with men.
There's an awful lot to unpack here, and I don't even want to start with the cliché 'it's the oldest profession in the books' thing. Instead let's offer up some hard truths that SWERFs really don't want you to think too much about. We'll do a list:
1) Sex feels good.
2) Sex is not simply a biological imperative.
3) Women like and often love sex.
4) Consensual sex is spiritual connection.
5) Sex for pay is not (necessarily) coercion.
6) Sex is not degrading.
7) Kink is not only NOT abuse, it can be therapy.
I know several of these could be compressed down, but I want to keep them separate for the purposes of this piece.
First off, sex feels good. It does. Or at least, it bloody well should. It should be enjoyable. It should be bodies moving against each other, heat, friction, sweat, hands, lips, moans, sighs, maybe even teeth and nails and growls. It should result in two exhausted bodies intertwines whispering incoherent sounds to each other while fingers entwine. It should be good because it is good. Hell, sex with yourself should be good too; it should be candles and scents and soft lights and wet and amazing and lingering. It should be a thing where you and your partner or partners are spoiled and spoil each other. I cannot for the life of me understand why so many radfems seem sex negative...and before anyone things it, I am NOT saying that aesexual people or grey-ace people are invalid! There is a difference between not feeling sexual drive and being sex-negative...and it's one that I feel SWERFs cross with impunity.
Sex is NOT a biological imperative. Yes, it's essential for the continuation of the species, but...well, see above. As long as consenting adults are involved, all parties have agreed to the things that will happen, and everyone enters the proceedings with the plan too be good, giving and game (and as much as I loathe Dan Savage cos he's a transmisist, the GGG philosophy is a good one), sex is a wonderful thing.
Women like and often love sex.
It's true.
I've asked at least three of them, and they agree with me.
Seriously though, I know the preconception and perception is that guys want sex and women put up with bad sex, but that comes down to a society that doesn't value anything as much as it values the virile, masculine man. If we had proper sex ed? If people weren't terrified of bodies and people enjoying sex? If we took the time to explain to our kids what good sex is, and not to settle or do something just because it's expected of them? I bet a bunch of things would happen:
- There'd be fewer abortions.
- Sex would be treated with the respect it deserves.
- We may see a decrease in sexual violence.
- Women's self image would improve.
- Relationships would be healthier and bi or milti-lateral.
But we need to teach teenagers that sex is a big deal, that it has to be entered into respectfully and maturely...and we have to give them tools to better understand and take care of their bodies.
And if we had all of that?
Maybe...just maybe...sex wouldn't be seen as a bad thing.
Consensual sex is spiritual connection. Consensual sex is good, and magick, and ritual, and holy. And that sounds like a lot coming from someone who is a decided non believer, but...at its best, when I've had sex, it's like I stop existing. I become a ball of energy, barely constrained, and my partner and I bounce off each other like atomic particles, fusing and splitting in endless forms. It's beauty at its purest state, and it should be like that.
There are massive differences between trafficking and con sensual sex work. The biggest difference is the word CONSENSUAL. Every sex worker I know...and I tried to count, I lost track after 3...is doing this work because they want to.
(NB: yes, I am being sarcastic above with the number. Were I to hazard an educated guess, I'd say I probably have 5 or 6 dozen friends...defined as people I interact with on a regular basis...who do sex work as either a significant sideline or as their main job.)
Does that mean they're always happy? Fuck no. Is anyone ever fully happy with their job? If you can find someone who is, I would love to meet them. Seriously, however, every job is a job. It's a thing you do to earn fiat currency with which to survive. The difference comes in when you factor variables such as:
- Are you self employed?
- Does your employer treat you like shit?
- Does he call you at 9 pm, 6 hours after your shift ended, to scream at you?
- Does he hang up on you all the time?
- Does he call you 25 billion times a day and wonder why you never get stuff done?
- Does he have issues with you transitioning even though he acts like he doesn't, and thus treats you poorer now that you're showing visible signs of transition even though your work ethic has not changed one iota?
I...may be drawing from personal experience here.
Fact of the matter is consensual sex work is entered into because it's a way for women (in this case) to have agency. They can choose when they work, who they work with, set their own hours, set a rate commensurate with their worth. They can choose where they work. They can cam, or shoot scenes or movies, they can do full service sex work. Not every sex worker stays in the industry for life; for many, it's a way to do something fun, that they enjoy, and make a nice nest egg to put toward college. Sex workers are not “dumb whores,” despite what SWERFs would like you to believe; just drawing from personal experience here, I know the following:
- One has parlayed her work into a travel business and a mountain biking hobby
- One takes video production to the next level in her worl, and is an accomplished musician/multi-instrumentalist.
- One majored in classics.
- One majored in English lit pre-renaissance with a minor in astronomy.
- One studies paleontology.
- Several are computer programmers.
- A couple of them have been on TV.
And every one I know is exceptional just like this. They are some of the smartest people I know; they are people I discuss Walt Whitman and TS Eliot with, then talk about Erik Satie, then talk to another about quantum mechanics, then another about trinitite and bomb testing sites.
The cliché of the “dumb whore” is pernicious, and intended to belittle sex workers (predominately seen as female) as unequal to men. It is again reductive and diminishing...and in this case, it's women...”feminists”...doing the same thing that men do to them.
Finally...kink. Kink, which in this care predominantly refers to BDSM in all it's many splendoured forms, is seen as a particularly horrific offender and attack on women. Perhaps this is because of the cliché that Dom/sub is always presumed to be Male and female; perhaps it's fear of the unknown or fear of loss of control in the presence of a stranger. It could be both of these, or neither of these...I can't say I fully understand it.
Let me talk about kink from personal experience.
As you may know if you follow me on twitter, I label myself with a series of identifiers that help explain who I am. Among these are: "Trans/Poly/Demi. Sex/Porn positive. Owned property." There are others there, of course, but these are the ones that matter most for this essay.
I am polyamorous, meaning I have more than one partner. I won't say how many, just that it's plural. I am demi, meaning I am demisexual, which is part of the grey-ace spectrum of aesexuality. All that means is that I do not generally feel primary sexual interest in a person without a deep emotional bond...but it ALSO means there are times even with that that my interest in sex is roughly equal to my interest in eating pickles: nothing at all. It doesn't mean I reject contact...I'll hug and nuzzle all night with the right person. I just don't want or need sex at those times.
And I am owned property.
This is the one that needs the most explanation.
I am in a relationship which is based on what is called total power exchange. In our relationship, I defer to my partner in just about everything. This doesn't mean I'm a floormat, it doesn't mean that I allow Her to walk over me. It's actually quite the opposite; She's taught and is teaching me how to be a better version of me. She's helping me heal tonnes of damage from my life by directing me to new ways of reacting to things, rebuilding neural pathways that were damaged by abuse and gaslighting. She's taken it upon Herself to tear me down and build me back up. She's proud of me when I make connections on my own that I had issues with the past; she's proud of me when I take risks I'd never have thought myself able to before (i.e., pitching an article to a website and seeing it through to taco money).
And...She thinks I am pretty. And worth Her attention, and Her desire, and Her love.
Does She beat me? I don't know...in fact, I won't know until May when W/we finally meet up IRL. Does She degrade me? Not once, not ever. W/we've discussed things that I am not comfortable with, and She respects those boundaries as if they were sanctified soil. But if W/we're goofing around, and She tells me to do something? Chances are I prolly would, because it's fun, it makes me feel good, it makes Her feel good, and it brings U/us closer.
Dominance and submission isn't abuse; I hope you can see from the above how much good it's done me. In the seven months since W/we officially started going out with each other, I've developed more confidence and self assuredness than I ever had. I've taken bigger risks, bigger jumps, I've lept and tried to forget how to fall. It doesn't mean I always succeed, but I know when I fgail, She'll be there to catch me.
What does it mean to be owned? It means being protected. Cherished. Loved. Adored. Spoiled. Respected. Admired for my strength. Treated with utmost care for my conscious decision to submit. She didn't take my submission from me; I gave it to Her because She earned it.
Know what the biggest issue with BDSM is? Like any niche community, there are shitheels who participate. They're the ones who hurt other people, who take the sadism side of S/m to mean they can act without any care, consideration or limit. They're not sadists, they're evil. I've seen first hand the damage they do...and I've seen first hand the amazingness that a healthy power exchange relationship can be...where both people (or all people) become Better Together.
Kink isn't degrading.
People are, or can be.
And that's the difference.
Not that SWERFs want you to consider that.
Finally we need to take a look at the PERF phenomenon. PERF, as referenced above, means penis exclusionary radical feminist, and like the name tells us, it is an ideology that posits no one with a penis has a place in feminism. It's easy to see where this leaves out trans women, but it also excludes assigned male at birth men.
And let me tell you why I think that's wrong.
Feminism, like magick, is for EVERYONE. Everyone benefits from feminism, including men. The biggest issue confronting us all is the toxicism inherent in what patriarchal society deems appropriate male/masculine behaviour. Men can act like total shits and get away with it cos men. They can be loud and argumentative and be praised for being decisive, where a woman would be decried as being shrill and emotional. If we can break that cycle, break down the toxic nature of stereotypical masculinity? Men would benefit SO much. They'd be more comfortable, more confident, they could be open and vulnerable and not driven by a system that allows...nay, encourages...negative actions.
Men benefit from feminism.
Because everyone benefits from feminism.
Men can be feminists. And no, I am not saying that because I may or may not have a penis (hint: I have doom in my pants, ask any of my partners, they will tell you). I am saying that because they can be. Tell me with a straight face that Patrick Steward is a worse feminist than Maria Maclachlan. I dare you to. Tell me that Maclachlan's beat down on a trans woman is a more feminist action than Patrick Strewart advocating so loudly for women who are victims of domestic violence.
I'm waiting for you to do it.
Because I want to laugh in your face for how wrong you are.
Genitals do not determine how feminist someone is. Genitals do not determine who is a woman and who isn't. Genitals do not determine your value as a person. Genitals don't do anything other than be messy, sometimes be enjoyable, and often just kinda get in the way for day to day life. They are not the golden apples of the Greek pantheon. They're bits of flesh and blood we give entirely too much power to when it comes to listening to people.
Men can be shit, it's true...and men should not speak over women when it comes to feminism. But a man who speaks with, who amplifies, who defers to women and women's lived experiences, knowing that they know what they need to better themselves, and them working with women to achieve those goals?
I'll proudly call one of them a feminist before I will a SWERF, a TERF, a PERF or any other -ERF I don't know about yet.
It's a hella nasty world out there right now. There's hate coming from all sides, and to have it coming from within sucks harder than having it come from without. Artist John Minton said "We're all awash in a sea of blood, and the least we can do is wave to each other." This has never been truer than it is today, and all of us, especially at the intersections of feminism, trans activism, and sex worker rights, need to be aware and be wary of things that none of us should have to process, let alone deal with.
Allying with TERFs/SWERFs/PERFs is reductionist, hurtful, violent, and damaging to ALL people, not just the 'narrow' categories said ideologies purport to target. Understanding this is the first step toward battling it, and being a better ally and friend.
Thanks for reading. I'll talk to you soon.
No comments:
Post a Comment