On dysphoria, and therapy through vanity

Dysphoria has been a hell of a thing of late...it's been knocking me for 6.

And, like...

All the pix I've been posting...and believe me, there's loads more where they came from...they're mostly for me. As in, I'm taking them to try and prove to myself that I'm...something? Like...not petrifying as if I were a gorgon. And the affirmation is amazing...please don't think otherwise. Please keep giving it to me. Feed my precious tiny fragile ego, your compliments are miracle gro for the soul. But...in the end...they're...therapy, I guess. I can look at pix of me from just 6 months ago, and compare them to a pic I took last night, and see differences and changes...face shape, expression, a billion little things. and that's nice too.

I was talking about this with a friend yesterday, actually...

And I hesitated to post this for fear of how >certain< people might interpret the line about my teen self. But in the end...this is a thing too...realising that I am slowly but surely developing an aesthetic that works for me...

And then realising that aesthetic is basically just...teen me, but with a better sense of assemblage and carriage, is eye opening.

And gender is a fuck...I suppose no one knows this better than my genderfluid and enby friends...

But coming to the realisation that for all my commenting that I am a totally binary woman, there is a small part of me that isn't, and that really doesn't change things for me. Knowing myself is an ongoing process, and as each door opens I see more clearly who I am.

I will always be using she/her for pronouns...

And I am 100% happy with being a woman...

Because that's who and what I am.

But like all people, it's more complex than that...and the complexities...the edges...are an interesting place to walk and explore.

Part of wanting to document my transition is the idea that every transition story is different and valid. We all process and progress differently, and the more voices we have speaking, the better...not just for us, but for people who don't get it. And especially.../especially/ for younger people out there who are starting to explore their gender, who are looking for information, guidance, support, assurance that they are not broken or sinning or failing. This is the thing we all need to do to the degree we can...because each of us is here due to the men and women who came before us. It's a responsibility to leave things better than we found them.

It's why I am so angry at truscum, and exclusionary trans people, and irrevocably at war with TERFs and SWERFs and their ilk.

Gender fascists have the same right to a platform that ethnic fascists do:

Absolutely fuck all.

And yes, they have a 'right' to their opinion. but having a right to an opinion doesn't make their opinion correct. Opinion does not change fact or science.

And I think this went wildly off course somewhere.

Well done, Julie. way to go.

If there is a thesis statement to any of this, it's this:

'My goal is simple. It is a complete understanding of the universe, why it is as it is and why it exists at all.'

No, wait.

That's Stephen Hawking's.

But it's good for a very good reason.

This is what that is:

My goal for being so open with my transition is simple: it is to present an additional voice and experience, to add to our collected understanding of living while trans.

I didn't pick this. None of us do. Because we know it's not a choice. We know we are who we are.

It's what we do with who and what we are that makes the difference.

Every path is valid.

And the more paths we can learn from, the better.

This is Julie...specifically...speaking to you...generally.

Stay tuned for the sound of arriving somewhere.

But not here.