Yesterday I wrote about my mood issues. Oh, let's call it what it is. Yesterday I wrote about my depression and panic disorders. I wrote about the fact that I've stopped taking my anti-anxiety meds, under doctor's orders, and I'm physically fine with that. The part I didn't mention was the mood stabiliser I am on, lamictal, hasn't even come close to reaching therapeutic levels in my system. All I know, as I don't have the results of that bloodwork accessible through my patient portal thing, is that therapeutic levels are generally between 10 and 15 somethings per something, and I'm sitting right around 1. So my mood is still incredibly rough, and there are a lot of crying fits and heavy downs.
I'm not at risk of anything. I don't want to do anything to myself, or hurt myself. I just hate how I feel right now.
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I haven't written in 2 days, which makes it sound like I'm being hard on myself. I'm really not, though. I'm fitting together in my head the penultimate scene for one story, and figuring out if I need to show or tell in the other at the point I'm at.
Lemmeth Plains got a slight adjustment to it's title, as I found The Incident at Lemmeth Plains to not only be a more evocative title, but also perhaps a better descriptor of the events. Besides, there's a story to come that will need a 'The Battle of' title more than this one, so out it went for another time and another tale. TIaLP is sitting at just shy of 7600 words, and I'm wagering we break 10K by the time we're done, between the last sequence and the epilogue that it'll need.
I did my most recent work on After the Ordeal 2 days previous to the above. And I know I wrote about the fact that the two pieces that I was unsure of being together or separate stories got resolved. This is really a massive character piece for another OC, who got about 4 or 5 lines of mention in a story I wrote over a year ago. I'm getting deep into back story for her, and thus the show or tell like I mentioned above. It's just over 8700 words, and again, over 10K by the time I'm done.
It's likely once I am done with all of the so-called 'Tessa Tales' I'll have invested more time and words on her than I did in my Madame Vastra/Jenny Flint novel In Her Absence (which finished at around 67K words...180-ish pages, so a short novel, but a novel nonetheless. Early/mid period Michael Moorcock length, as a lot of his novels were in the same range in the 70's). I believe there's likely five more stories to be written, but we will see.
The nice thing about stories in this range is that I can break up a character's arc into pieces, have each story a nice 'bite size' piece for people to read, and yet still have meat on the bones...substance and exposition, not rushed and bare, nor dense and languorous. There are stories that need that...I'm reading one and it's absolutely brilliant in its world building and plotting. And it's dense, and in a very good way. It's dense the way good fantasy novels are...not dense for the sake of being clever.
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Tonight's listening is Alexander Scriabin.
If you're not familiar...and I would understand, as his works are often overshadowed by those of his Russian compatriots, here's some info from Wikipedia:
"Scriabin was one of the most innovative and most controversial of early modern composers. The Great Soviet Encyclopedia said of Scriabin that, "No composer has had more scorn heaped on him or greater love bestowed." Leo Tolstoy described Scriabin's music as "a sincere expression of genius." Scriabin had a major impact on the music world over time, and influenced composers such as Igor Stravinsky, Sergei Prokofiev, and Nikolai Roslavets. However Scriabin's importance in the Soviet musical scene, and internationally, drastically declined. According to his biographer, "No one was more famous during their lifetime, and few were more quickly ignored after death." Nevertheless, his musical aesthetics have been reevaluated, and his ten published sonatas for piano, which arguably provided the most consistent contribution to the genre since the time of Beethoven's set, have been increasingly championed."
I'm listening to his piano works right now, after spending a good bit of time with his symphonic works...mostly his 3 numbered symphonies and the 2 orchestral tone poems considered to be his 4th and 5th symphonies. I love the orchestral work, and I'll know more about his piano work soon-ish.
I'll leave you with a piece of his as I sign off.
Dodadagohvi, osda svnoi.
Ayv gvgeyui nihi, sidanelvhi.
Ayv gvgeyui nihi, adageyudi.
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