Buckle up.
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Yesterday I met with my therapist, and I was trying to explain that even though I've just been through 2 weeks of hell between my depression, my dysphoria, a bout of either the flu or a 72 hour virus, and a serious flareup of my early onset osteoarthritis, I knew my head was in a better place generally speaking because my creativity returned.
I was also trying to explain to her that there was a sense, a feeling of being haunted along with it, but it never went anywhere, and I felt it important.
So you'll be my therapist.
I sit down at my computer and I never know what I'm going to write (unless it's an essay or blog post, in which case I have a general idea and line I know I'll follow). I just sit there, and eventually words come out. I know within a word or two whether it's a story or a poem, and my brain clicks into gear and I go. Poetry is interesting because it's very freeing for me. At times, I'd almost say it's like automatic writing but it's really not...an idea presents itself and I pluck it from the aethyr and put it into words.
The haunting comes in when I seem to hit a certain theme time and time again. It's not constant or consistent...I can't tell you with a straight face that I'll write four or five or six pieces in a row that do this. But I'll sit there, writing (typing) away, and then I'll read through, and it'll jump out at me like a jumpy outy thing.
Winterreise was one of them. It's subtle, but it's there. And if you know me well, you know exactly what it's about.
So yes, haunted. In a strange way. The skeptic in me says it's just the fact that I'm not over things, and this is how I am processing. The not-skeptic in me is less sure.
And as for the skeptic...
 |
| I happen to agree with her, at least on the cream cheese. It's important. |
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As for my other writing...
As mentioned earlier, my plan was to work as I could on the story I began yesterday, and pick it back up tonight and paste and stitch and so on. Only as I started writing the words that came out were in a different tone, and I realised that I really was writing a duet, not a chamber piece, so to speak. The more I thought about it, the more I came to the conclusion that they had to be separate for both to grow the way they needed to.
So now, thanks to my fickle and feckless muse, I'm writing two stories at the same time, and it's not a question of sidelining one, because both are of equal importance to me.
One is titled The Battle of Lemmeth Plains, and features a character I've mentioned in passing in an earlier adventure than when I first wrote her. I like her a lot...an awful lot. I've poured a lot into her, and I know her entire story, from childhood to when she walks on. I've wanted to write about that period before, and this story came out, or rather is coming out. It will be the first time I'm writing actual battle scenes and dealing with a slightly harder side of SF, so it's a bit exciting and daunting at the same time.
The other story is titled After the Ordeal, and is more typical of my writing in that it is, as described above, a duet. It's back story, but it's beautiful back story, and it features important world building as well as the very beginnings of something that will play out through any other stories I write featuring my OC. It's been surprising because things are happening, and characters are developing, in ways I didn't expect, and it's lovely.
So that's where I am. Writing one story is often daunting enough, but juggling two is more so. At least each challenges a different part of me, and that helps a lot.
I look forward to sharing them, in due time.
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