25 November 2015

Wednesday Evening, 11 PM.



It's been a very long day.

I saw one of my doctors today, who wanted to take me off one of my medications out of concern it was contributing to some memory issues I have been having.  I'm OK with this, because it's been negatively impacting a lot of things.  However, now I have no emergency medication for my panic and anxiety attacks.  I'll just have to either crawl under a blanket, hide, and cry, or figure out coping mechanisms.

Work was perdition in extremis, with my boss there all day, micromanaging and sniping at me like a snipe hunter.  I like what I do, he's just hard to deal with and one of my biggest sources of stress.  I try.  I truly do.  But many days I just want to run home and get away from it.

I had to hit the grocery store for the free turkey.  Yay free turkey, for real.  But the store was packed (I expected this), the people were horrible, running into me, often on purpose, hitting me in the back with their carts.  Stopping and blocking entire aisles, cutting in front of me...and I was growing so upset by this point that I just kept my mouth shut because I didn't want to lose it in the store and collapse to the floor crying.  I give the cashiers a pass...they were dealing with hell, so their less than cheerful attitude I accepted.

Other personal stuff too.  Stuff that hurt me, and upset me, and really was the capper of the day.  From unexpected sources.  Stuff I was not at all equipped to parse or process.  I'm still not.  And it puts tomorrow in a kind of stasis, and I may just stay in bed and hide.

I wanted to write about my writing, not a long list of negativity.

I'm sorry.

It's what I have :-(



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